Saturday, 13 October 2012

Spirits in the cold sky





That day after class I ran to the college cafeteria to meet Roohi. When she saw me, she forced a smile across her face. It was not that smile I was greeted with every day. Today was different;
 I walked up to her and pulled her cheeks and said
 “Gloria. Smile. You don’t look good like this.”

Roohi was in her easily irritable mood that day replied quite agitatedly
 “Stop calling me Gloria. I am your girl and you are calling me that hippopotamus name from Madagascar. How mean you are? If I am Gloria then you are Mr. Glory.

It was time for me to cool things down so I was into damage control mode

It’s not Mr. Glory !! It’s Melman the giraffe.

Roohi was least bothered with the film trivia, I bestowed upon her. She went silent something you don’t relate with her often.

I broke the silence between us in the noisy cafeteria.

“So, what do you want to eat? You must be really hungry after the classes.”

Roohi: Don’t feel like having anything. Not hungry.

Aakash: Have something; your boyfriend is rich today. You know today got money in the account for this month. So tell me anything I will buy for you.

Roohi: Aakash, I really don’t want to leave you and go. I will really miss you.  I don’t know how I will survive these three days without you?
Aakash: I will miss you too baby. From the past three months there hasn’t been a single day without you in this campus. But you have to go right. Your Di’s marriage, I wish I could come but what will you tell Umesh uncle?
Roohi: I will tell him something. You come. It will be fun. I will tell you are Saurav’s friend.
Aakash: No yaar. I would love to but I have lot of work here and two week is a big time span. And you know I am the co-ordinator of the movie making competition here, so no way I can leave it.
Roohi:  Yes. It’s really important for you right. Ok, don’t come. You really don’t give me any importance right. You are so selfish. I do everything for you. But you hardly care for me.
So here she begins. I dint want to get angry today because she was leaving.
I made her sit down and explained to her.
Aakash: You know right. How hard I worked to get Movie making competition approved in the fest. It was all decided right. You would go for your Di’s wedding and come back in two weeks. At least you would have told me earlier I would have come but you are leaving today and telling me, I should come. How is it possible? 
Roohi: Only two week’s right? You are so practical. I can’t be like you. I thought it was easy. But today when I sat in the class I realised, how much I would miss you. Without listening to your voice, without seeing you smile, without you teasing me. I don’t know what will happen to me without you.
I could see tears rolling out of her eyes.

Aakash: hey don’t cry. I forgot my handkerchief today.

She smiled and she said
“Why is your shirt for?”
Aakash: hey no!!!
She was sitting leaning on my shoulders. I loved her a lot. She cared for me more than I did for her. I was really lucky; I had her in my life.

Aakash:  Ok. Ok now eat something. You have to travel tonight right? What time is your bus to Mumbai?

Roohi:  11.
                                 
Aakash: Cool. What about only a cold coffee now and a dinner together?
Roohi:  You coming to drop me?
Aakash: No Mr.Umesh Gupta will come. Happy?
Roohi: Hey. Respect my dad. Why you always bring him in the middle?
Aakash: Simply.

We walked with a cold coffee to her hostel and it was decided will leave at 7 p.m.
 I was walking alone and thinking should I be sad or happy. Roohi, I loved her a lot. But somewhere I felt something was missing.  Did I hurry in getting in to a relationship with her? She loved me a lot but she was not that girl I always dreamed of. She was very dependent, she was a kid, but I always dreamed of a girl who could take care of me and who was a bit mature. On the contrary, I had to take care of each and everything about her. It was not that I hated that, but this was not the way I had dreamed. Was I doing the right thing?

I walk into my room, situated on the ground floor. My room was messed up like always. Clothes lying everywhere on the bed, books scattered, newspapers, water bottles, plastic bags all at one place. It was one big dumping ground for me. My room was one thing, Roohi couldn’t change in me. Probably because she couldn’t come here, it’s not that I liked this dump. But I hardly used to get time these days. 

I really needed a break. The last three months were only about Roohi. Morning, Afternoons, Evenings and nights she always wanted to be with me. I dint have much of a choice cause if I said no to her then she gets angry and then we fight bitterly. We had broken up 4 times in 3 months. I was really happy in a way; she was going home for two long weeks. I really need some time for myself. My friends to drifted away from me because I couldn’t spend much time with them, I decided the next two weeks were the time to set everything right. 

At about 7, she called me to tell she was ready. I went to her hostel which was at the other end of our campus. She along with her best friend Neha was standing near her hostel gate.  I greeted Neha, but Neha dint even look at me.
 I took Roohi’s bag from her and we started walking and as we reached the gate. Neha hugged Roohi and she bid good bye to her. 
We hired an auto rickshaw to Habba, our favourite restaurant in Belgaum.
The rickshaw was speeding amidst the evening traffic and Roohi’s hair was flying all over her face. She looked beautiful and innocent, like a small kid going to school after a really long vacation.
Roohi was looking at me.
 I asked her “What happened?”
Roohi: Nothing (she shook her head). Will you miss me?
I dint know the answer for that question. But I hurried with a reply.
  Yup. I will miss you a lot. Dumbo.

Roohi: I don’t know if I can call you. I am feeling really bad. The problem is everyone in the house will be around me; I won’t be able to even touch my phone.  You won’t be angry with me right if I don’t call you.

 I thanked god. Now I knew she won’t irritate me on phone also. I was worried about this part but now I was really happy. I could see she was really very sad, but I could not control my smile. I tried hard to act sad but couldn’t. I could now relate to the happiness we felt on August 15, 1947. It felt really good.

Roohi: What happened? Why you silent?

Aakash:  Nothing I was just thinking. I would be really selfish to expect you to call me. You give all your time to your family. I will miss you. But I understand how important it is for you too.

Roohi: I am so lucky to have you in my life Aakash. I feel like crying. I don’t want to leave you. You’re the best thing which happened to me in my life. I am so lucky to have you.

She hugs me tightly and cries. I feel bad, because she loves me so much and I was waiting for her to go. I was feeling guilty, but I could go any extent to have this break.
Roohi hugged me more tightly and whispered in my ears.
“If we were not in the rickshaw, I would have surely kissed you”. I told her” It’s ok. You can me kiss me even now.”  She slapped me and said “Shameless. God! I don’t know when you will be a good boy” .Roohi kissed me on my cheeks and said “You are the sweetest boy on this earth but little shameless.” 

We reached Habba at around 8. We came here so often that even the waiters recognise us and they knew what to get for us without even ordering. 
Our order never changed.
Chicken Drums of heaven, Butter Naan and Chicken Makhmalli.
 The food in Habba was out of the world. They always served the best .We finished our dinner by 10. We had one more hour so we decided to walk till Ramdev.

 The weather in Belgaum was awesome about 22 degrees throughout the year and the sky was filled with a galaxy of stars. It looked so eternal.
As we were walking holding hands and gazing at the stars.
 I felt bad, Roohi was leaving. I realised how much I was going to miss her. I really dint want her to go.
Roohi: So when you coming to Calcutta?

Aakash: Soon, money is a big problem. I have started collecting money to go Calcutta.

Roohi: Money is never a problem; it’s your will to come. If you want to come nothing can stop you.

Aakash: Even I want to come to Calcutta but its really far and I need to have a minimum amount.

Roohi: I know you are never going to come. Money you will never have because you can’t even save a rupee. I am sorry to tell you but it’s the truth.

Aakash: What happened to you? You’re drunk? What are you telling me? You know right where I spend and even then I try to save a lot but I can’t. I get only a minimum amount from my home. My father is not Ambani; he is just a government official, in his salary I have to treat you also.

Roohi: oh my god. How cheap you are? Neha was right. Today you showed your real colours. She used to always warn me about you. I never expected this from you. How can you speak like this even without thinking?

Aakash: You started all this nonsense. We were having such a goodnight for God’s sake please don’t spoil it. And Neha what problem she has with me? I dint do anything wrong to her but she is always telling bad things about me. What’s her problem?

Roohi: She has understood you very well. I dint believe when she told me, but now I have realised it myself. How cheap you are?
In the middle of the road, we were having a heated argument. I realised what we were doing, so I stopped myself.  People around us had started observing us.

Aakash: Roohi. Stop. Fighting.

Roohi: (In a louder tone) It’s you started the fight. You are speaking like; it’s only you who spend all the time. I too have paid the bills a lot. But the truth is you don’t value money. You just keep spending it, on whatever you like. You don’t think about anything. What was the need of going to Habba today; we could have had a small dinner. Your full show off, I am sorry to say that but truth is bitter.

Now she got on my nerves. I went to Habba because she loved the place.

Aakash: Ok fine. I am showing off right. Agreed, I break up with you. I don’t want to be with a person who never understands me. Whole day I am with you, listening to everything you say but at the end you always feel I don’t love you for things I can’t do for you. Even my friends are angry with me because I don’t spend time with them. I lie to my parents for more money and why dint you ask me? Why I carry this phone? I sold my phone to buy you birthday gift. Still you feel, I did nothing for you. Ok. Bye. Be happy wherever you are. But don’t expect me to come back. You have hurt me a lot today.
I walked away leaving her in the middle of the road. I was really hurt. 
It’s not that she dint love me, she dint know what to speak. She never realised, she hurt someone while speaking. All she was bothered about was about her. I decided this was the end. This could not go on any longer, there was no use carrying it forward.

Three days later.. Hundreds of calls, till I decided to switch off my phone. She was calling Shrikant, my roomie  and crying. He was pissed with me and he wanted me to speak to her. That day in the morning Shrikant woke me up and handed me his cell.At last I decided to speak to her. I asked her what she wanted. She was crying and telling sorry repeatedly. I told her nothing can be done, I will never go back to her. She was crying and she told I am heartless; she was blaming me for everything. She was repeatedly crying and telling me how much she loved me and how I left her in the middle of the road in the night. I knew, what I did was wrong. I dint know what to do. I couldn’t listen to her crying, but these fights were going worse .Like the Mariana trench is an endless abyss and so were our fights

Aakash:  What’s the point in having a relationship, where we fight every alternate day? It’s better to not have such a relationship; I know our relationship won’t last long. Why should we torture ourselves?  Its better we break up and remain friends rather fight.

Roohi: You said every alternate day, Aakash. That means even you know that one day we are happy. I am fighting for that one happy day, that day is the happiest day of my life. Millions of people never get to know what happiness is.  I and you are happy for a day, is it not enough a reason for me to fight for you.

Aakash:  Roohi, I loved you a lot but really I don’t think I can carry on like this. I am really sorry. Its better we move on in life. For every person there is somebody made for them and I am sure we are not made for each other.

Roohi: I feel we are made of each other. Everything is so perfect you and me but fights happen in every relationship but why can’t you act like a man and face the situation running from every situation.

Aakash: I don’t want to waste time on things which will never work out, I am sorry. Bye. I am keeping the phone.

 I was reminded of all the good times we spent together. I still remember that magical night when we decided to become a couple. We mutually fell in love with each other, the third night of our first meeting. I can never forget that night. I will never ever be able to forget it.

In the other hand, I was reminded of the continuous fights we had, just in fourth day of the relationship for smallest of the smallest reason. She tried controlling me and changing me, in every possible way she could. But I was not ready to change for someone. She too never gives up on her efforts and that led to fights. I decided we had to end it.
I could only see her, everywhere. The magical moments, the trouble she is used to take for me to wake me up early in the mornings so that I could go jogging, how she used to come running to the third floor to see me during ten minute breaks. I had tears in my eyes. I felt what I was doing with her was wrong. She had gone for her elder sister’s marriage and she had spent three days crying for me. I dint want her to cry, I wanted her to enjoy the wedding.

So I called her back. This time it was not her on the line. It was a new voice. I asked for Roohi but she replied why is Roohi crying here? She has been crying continuously for the past three days. What’s the reason beta? I was shocked “beta” as to who was on the line. She continued “I know fights happen but somebody has to compromise not sit with ego for days.” 
“hello!”
 I could hear Roohi’s voice now. I asked

 “Roohi. Who was that?” 

She told me it was her mother” I was shocked and I told her to give her phone back to her mother.

Aakash: Aunty. I am really sorry, but it’s not only my mistake. She says anything without thinking what others will feel. 

Aunty: It’s ok Beta. Fights happen but we should not prolong it. We should finish it as soon as possible. I know Roohi gets angry very fast, you should take care of her.

Aakash: Yes aunty. I will.

Aunty: Ok Beta, so how is your dad and mom?

Aakash: They are good aunty.

Aunty: what is your caste beta?

Aakash: I am a Malayalee aunty.

Aunty: Nair? Ok.

Roohi came back online. I heard her saying 
“Hello”.

Aakash: Hey Gloria.
Roohi: I am not Gloria. Don’t call me anything Mr. Glory. I hate you.

Aakash: I hate you, like I love you. I know it’s bad. I am really sorry.

Roohi: it’s ok. Even I am sorry. I should have not spoken to you like that.

So we patched up. But I knew it was not for long because I had decided this had to end. I just was waiting for her to come back.

5 comments:

Prathul said...

nice story.... editing required in some parts... emotions r great... loved it..

domesticgoddess-nextdoor said...

u r an amazing/awesome writer.....your settings are so real and practical...it seems as if i watching a movie...take ur writing seriously..u'll go a long long way :)

somi said...

i think all go thruogh this phase in life...I felt like memories were rewinded

amarcine katha said...

thank u maami...

vidhi bhanushali said...

Loved it :-) keep writing..