Sunday, 22 July 2012

A letter to my Grandfather

dear ajja,
how are you ajja?Three years have passed by and i have one year more to be called a civil engineer.If you were here today I think you would have been very excited and very proud of me just like you were when i got selected to do civil engineering.I dont know from where to start this letter.The great times i had with you or the days i missed your presence in this earth.I think the latter it happened very less i still think you are watching me play around.I think you might be slightly disappointed by the ways I am dealing with my life.Yes i have dealt very badly.Trying to improve each and everyday.Making up for my mistakes.I am sure one day i will be successful the way you wanted me to be.But the way i am traversing now is slightly blurry and sometimes i too dont know what i am doing.But i know you are not angry with me YOU are an optimist and yes just like i am trying to mend my ways you too are guiding me somewhere even though i cant see you.The memories i share with you is so fresh.Everything seems like it happened yesterday even though three years have passed by.
I still remember the last few minutes I got to spend with you on that evening on that k.s.r.t.c bus I dint know it was the last time I would be seeing  you.I have seen you after that but it was only your body,for us  you were a symbol of life and an inspiration to live.We couldn’t imagine you not speaking to us and just sleeping even though we were crying around you. If I ever knew it was the last day I would be spending with you I would have never let time fly by so fast on that day, 3 years behind.
I woke up late about 10:30 a.m that morning. I saw you entering the house returning from of  students weddings.You explained us the problems you had parking the car and about the watchman who dint let you park the car properly.As you finished you told me when I go to my new college in belgaum I should cultivate the habit of reading newspapers daily.YOU explained to me what i had to do when in hostel and you told me you would call me often when i was in hostel.But you never called me ajja.I tried calling you to our kasargod landline number whenever i remembered,But you never picked the call.I wish you picked the call once and spoke  to me .I had so much to tell you but you left early. i wanted to tell you, i loved you so much ajja.Whenever i had a bad day i wished i could hear your voice.The love you spoke to us, that healed every wound in us made us feel we were not alone in this world.
But that day 3 years behind i was lost,I wanted to be on my own.I think that feeling of restlessness had something to do with  he turn of events later that day.
As I returned after taking bath that day we were set to leave for kasargod to a relatives reception before that we had to drop in at  another relatives funeral.As we left for jeppu,I remember office amma,kumbla amma joining us to go to the funeral house.As we reached there i remember You,mummy and the ammas going for the funeral and i sitting in the car with my mobile.I remember You walking back briskly to reach before others so that you could speak to me for that small while.I dont know if anybody had such a loving grandfather.I dont think so. You were the biggest gift i ever got from god.Whatever good i am.Whatever qualities everyone love me for is all because of the love you gave me I could never give you back that lovewish you had stayed longer.Its not that i loved you less.I though you were there with us for much longer time,You never let us feel that you had plans to leave early.
As we travelled and reached manjeshwar, you were speaking about vinnu mamas death.About how it happened?I dont know why we were speaking that thing on that particular day may be because you had to meet him later that day.Something i realised later connecting the dots.
As we reached kasargod,we went to the reception hall.I remember being lost in the crowd.I dont know what was happening to me.I dint want to meet people I wanted to be all alone that day.
On the other side I saw you meeting relatives with great zeal and enthusiasm I think you were bidding good-bye to the people gathered there in your own style never letting others know the journey you were taking that night.I think you hated people showing sympathy on you so you never let anyone do that to you even on your worst days.You were always the same.You held your head high, yes not always you looked down at times so that you missed the sight of the people you dint like to see.It was not a bad thing to do ajja.It was the way you were.We loved you that way.
Whatever mistakes we did you have always forgiven us and never even made us feel we made a mistake.
I still remember the day we went driving few months before this day, 3 years behind.I was learning driving then and I was not perfect,only you had the courage to take me to the highway.When the car stopped cause of  my bad driving(something to do with the shifting of gears and acceleration which I had no clue about when I encountered a series of potholes in kasargod-mangalore highway).
One can imagine  the traffic i would have encountered if u have been to that part of the world. The rush at 7 a.m in the morning.The commotion of students of various colleges,schools,the daily office going crowd and numerous other people going to do various business in mangalore.
Reading this description might have given you ideas about  the honking of horns and the traffic block I had caused in the national highway 48.I dint know what to do but You told me to stay calm and start the car with no hurry.I tried to start the car,with less success.the honking and traffic increased even more.You seemed to be more relaxed then before I think you were trying to be like that you were to slightly irritated but you had done this earlier you had taught students like me various lessons of life But I dont think anybody had put you in such a road block.You repeated the words again start the vehicle normally take the vehicle forward.I tried, yes with some divine intervention the car moved through the pot holes and yes the traffic block was cleared off.The thing I liked most about you was that you dint get angry on me and you dint even show me that I had commited a mistake.
Even if daddy was in your pl ace he would have scolded me and would have never le me drive again but you built confidence in me  never made me feel I had done something wrong.I think only you could be so cool in that situation.It was because you dint want me to lose confidence.Today think i drive good better than before atleast.When i take your car out sometimes when i am driving alone i wish you could see me drive confidently and be proud of me.I missed that ajja.
Gettin back to that day 3 years behind us today.I then remember going to cochin bakery and having a chikku juice. Ajja dint have anything there.Mummy drove to the k.s.r.t.c bus stand so that we could return to mangalore in bus.As we reached bus stop,we got down told bye to ajja,ajja wished i could  stay back in kasargod.But having very few days left to go to Belgaum,It was not possible for me to stay back.Wished i could cause when ajja had got the heart attack i could take drive him to the nearby hospital.If wish that could have helped to save him.That would  have really been meaningful.Atleast i could drive him to the hospital.It would have been like a guru dakshina to my guru who taught me driving.  to be continued soon……


Anonymous said...

eyes wet. keep writing for ur grandpa. .it vl make him happy.